About three weeks ago my choir, Seaway Chorale, had its spring concert. We celebrated the four past directors and had a fabulous concert. I finally got the solo I have been dreaming of for years, On My Own from Les Miserables! I have auditioned for it at least four times and ended up with it this time around. I always knew I would rock it out but for some reason no director felt I would until now. I got up there and put myself into the role. I put all my heart and soul into my performance and was told that it was my best ever! I was so proud of myself!
Since then I have made some major decisions in my life that has had me kind of down in the dumps. I have spent the last ten years on the Board of Governors, nine of them spent as the Music Manager. That means that I have had a hand in what music is sung on the concerts and have loved that role! I enjoy being a leader in an organization that has been a part of my life for the last 30 years. It has been stressful and not free of much drama, but I have loved every minute of it. Last week I stepped down. I was asked by my family, parents and some friends to consider it for the last two years and after much bugging I decided that I must be missing something they aren't. I must be so stressed out and upset that I just can't see the forest for the trees. Well, they were wrong. I was right. Basically, I spent last tuesday crying all day long, knowing that I was giving up my beloved spot on the board that night. I sat in my car outside the church where the annual meeting was being held and bawled my eyes out. I just didn't think I could make my legs take me in there. It was one of the saddest days of my life, I will admit. During the meeting I couldn't really talk to anyone and felt like I was attending my own funeral. A little dramatic you say? Maybe. The fact is Seaway is my life. I loved being a part of helping it succeed. Now I am no longer that person. I feel like a part of me has died. That was the start of a very long week.
I have been trying to walk everyday, until a couple days ago when my knee started acting up. It is so swollen, so I took a break. I was really enjoying my time in the fresh air and sun but now feel like I am once again unable to do things I want.
Now this week I have sang at two funerals. I have my third one tomorrow. It has made me really think about what is important and value the life I have. The first funeral was for my H.S. swim coach's wife, Donna Monas. Max was very touched that I sang and played the funeral, so that made it worth doing! As I stood in front of the congregation, I looked out and saw so many of my old teachers....it was a bit overwhelming. I saw swimmers from my era and parents of students. I remember, back in high school , when Max and the other coach Jim would get so upset at the thought of me spending my summers at Interlochen instead of swimming. I would tell them that I couldn't make money with swimming but I could with music. It was always an issue. Swimming and Music just didn't mix well back then. Now, this week, I was able to take that music and comfort him in his time of grief. That was a very overwhelming feeling. I realized the irony in it and just hoped that he understood finally. When Max sat me at his families table for the luncheon I realized he really did. I was overwhelmed at him doing that, and realized just how close you really do get to your coaches growing up. They are like second or third fathers, mentors, and rocks!
The second funeral was for my friend Sylvia's mother and tomorrow's funeral is for my other friend Denise's father. Both ladies are in Seaway Chorale with me and it is nice that they want us to celebrate their parents lives with them.
All of these funerals have made me pause and think about life a bit. I am a very lucky person. I have a wonderful family, living parents, and tons of friends who would do just about anything for me! What more can you want? Life is good, and I just need to remember that on a daily basis.
Hug your kids, your parents, your spouse and your friends. Cherish every relationship you have, no matter how good or messed up they are! You just never know when He will call you back home!
3 comments:
awww, you had a rough few weeks. Hugs, girl!
I know it's been hard, but I hope you can see the silver lining in there somewhere. Maybe after a few months you'll get a new perspective on your position in Chorale. Either way, I'm here for you. Love you!
Thanks you two! It means the world to me to have friends like you both!! :)
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