Tuesday, October 4, 2011

words can hurt more then physical pain sometimes

While I was having breakfast with my mom we were talking about my back issues and I was informing her how much better I've been feeling.  She told me that while watching my kids this weekend it was brought up that someone, I will withhold who, told them that my back would stop hurting if I would just lose some weight.  I was blown away.  How dare they say those things to my kids!  That is hurtful and mean!!  What kind of message is that sending them?!

The fact of the matter is this.....I have had back problems from the time I was in middle school.  I was never overweight until the last ten years and have had issues for the last 25, at least.  My back issues have nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with my spine.  Yes, I am overweight.  But I have been told by my doctor and OB that I am in perfect health.  My blood work numbers are text book and they aren't worried about my weight.  Of course they would like to see me lose some weight, so would I!  But my health is not being affected by it.  That is a huge thing!  There are many skinny, bone thin, people who are having major issues with high blood pressure, diabetes, heart issues and other illnesses.  Not me.  For the record....I have never been known to over eat, have always watched what I ate, and have tried to maintain some form of exercise regiment my entire life.  I have had private trainers, weight watcher leaders and my doctor stumped as to why I am over weight.  If someone feels I LIKE looking like this, they are sadly mistaken.  I hate how I look.  I just have to accept it right now.

I get very depressed lately because I am so helpless to my back problems lately.  I watch people, like my friend Nikki, run and lose tons of weight.  I will never be able to run.  Ever!  The minute I try, my back feels it.  My discs can't handle the pressure, no matter how much I weighed.  That in itself is depressing.  I would do anything to be able to run and do races like she is, and like Jerry does.  I feel like I am at such a disadvantage.  It sucks, but it is my life.  I have to learn how to deal with it.

I have also learned that my true friends could care less what I look like.  I have never judged anyone by their looks and really dont feel I should be either, but this is life and people do judge others by lesser things then that. 

I am so very hurt right now, but I will trudge on with a smile on my face as I usually do.  Most people will never even know I am physically hurting or mentally hurting.   I will continue on with my life and find a way to teach my children that looks shouldn't matter.  I have taught my children how to find serving sizes on packages and suger grams per serving.  I have made sure their lunches are well balanced between healthy food and "fun" food.  They both swim three to four days per week and go outside when the weather is nice. 

If there is anything I can impress on whomever  is reading this it would be to never judge a book by its cover.  That person may be overweight, but they may be the healthiest person you know.  There may be a reason, medically, that makes them overweight.  You just never know. 

Thanks goes to those who don't judge me for how I look, and only by who I am! 

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